Doctor Appointment

This was not a doctor's appointment that I was happy about by any means.  I was actually really upset that I was in the doc's office for the loss of my child.  I got into the exam room and looked around at all of the hospital instruments and I was alone and scared out of my mind.  I was naked bottom half down only covered by a white sheet and that is uncomfortable enough as it is. Braeden was already throwing a fit and we hadn't even started the appointment yet.  I had a terrible attitude and things just sucked to put it out there.  There was a knock at the door and my sweet, loving, supportive husband who was on the clock somehow found a few minutes to be there with me.  I just held his hand and was so grateful for him for being there.  I felt a little better.  Finally the doctor came in and what a sweet man.  He is LDS first of all so he could talk to me about this and we could relate a little to each others beliefs.  That comforted me a lot.  He talked to me a little bit about what probably happened for me to miscarry.  He explained that it was a chromosomal defect kind of like down syndrome, but to a different number of chromosome.  None of those rare defect chromosome babies don't make it past the first trimester.  The only ones that do make it are downs kids. That was a little comforting to know that there was a "better" reason for this to happen than it just happening.  He then talked about my bleeding, and the options that I had if all the the "stuff" wasn't expelled out of my body from the previous 3 days of awful pain and basically crap. I am not going to get into that because when he did the vaginal ultrasound everything was gone.  He checked my ovaries and measured some other things and said that everything looked okay.  I just have to go in and get my blood drawn to get the pregnancy hormone hCg tested until it goes below 5.  That could possibly be a couple months, but hopefully less.  I am so glad that everything was taken care of on it's own.  The body is an amazing thing.  As painful as everything was for a few days, my body knew what it needed to do.  I am so glad that I am healthy and can take care of things like this without pills and surgery.  I am starting to feel a little bit better and have a tiny bit of energy back.  I finally mopped my kitchen floor :)  and it felt nice. I am continuing to recuperate and feel better.  I don't think that it has really hit me so much as to what actually happened because I think I am still numb to the whole thing.  It has been really hard on our family and loved ones as well.  I appreciate all of the support and love and those who have shared personal experiences of their losses as well.  I appreciate them.  We are all closer as a family and I have never felt closer to my Heavenly Father.  He continues to bless me everyday and watch over all of us.  I am so grateful for my son Braeden and that he is healthy and happy and just an energetic little 2 year old.  I am so blessed to be a mother and wife in a great family.  We all take that for granted sometimes, but little things like this seem to draw people together. I am so blessed.