Our Sweet Baby

This is a very personal story for our family.

Last night Ben and I were supposed to go on a date with a free steak dinner and free childcare. I started to get ready and we were so excited to go and have a night to ourselves...or at least an hour. I curled my hair, had new boots to wear and I couldn't wait to pick up my husband. About 5pm Ben called and said that he was getting off work early. That never happens so he was on his way home. I had been bleeding earlier in the day, but not an amount to worry about. After Ben called I went to the bathroom and I was losing a lot of bright, red blood. I called Ben crying and hysterical because there is really only one thing that this could mean...a miscarriage. So I called the base UCC and they told me to come in right away. Ben got home and we left back to the base. At the UCC the doctor examined me and said that I was losing a lot of blood and then he diagnosed me with "threatened miscarriage." He said me cervix looked nice and tight to there was a possibility that I didn't lose the baby. We left he hospital with a little bit of hope. When we got home we looked in the toilet where I bled the first time and there we say a little tiny baby and what looked to be the placenta. I lost it from there and Ben was really strong for me. I had been cramping all night and bleeding all night, so there was no way that we didn't lost our sweet little angel. Ben and I held each other close and I realized that this was the closest that I have felt to Ben and to my Heavenly Father in a long, long time. Ben and I talked and held each other and I just felt so much love and admiration for him. I know that if I put my trust in Him, that I will feel more at peace. This is not going to be easy by any means, but having my Comforter...our Comforter near us makes it a little more easy to bear this burden. I know that my little baby is now watching us in Heaven and trying to tell us that everything is okay and that it is better this way this time around. We are really sad that this happened, and we didn't ever think this could happen to us, but we know that we WILL see this baby again and have the opportunity to raise in during the 2nd coming. I feel a little more comforter because this baby has grandpa Henry and little Jacob up there to watch over it as well as countless other family members. We have a long healing process ahead of us, but we can make it. I feel like part of my heart has been ripped out and taken away. But at the same time I feel like I have more love for my son and my husband. We will never forget out little child. Your daddy and mommy loved and love you so much! We will think about you all the time, and we won't forget you. Your family loves you. I know that you have completed your lives journey and did all that was expected of you. I guess they needed you up in Heaven more than I did. You are special to us and we will meet you and hold you someday.

I had a dream last night that this cute little curly blond headed girl, said "Mommy, it is okay because I am with Jesus." I woke up in tears, but I knew that our child is where it needs to be. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father in this time of trial for our family, and that He can be there constantly to help us. I am also so grateful for my husband and the strength that he was to me yesterday. He is so strong and caring. Thank you Ben for being here for me. I would also like to thank my mom. She knows just what to say to make me feel better. Thank you for talking to me last night mom, when I needed you. I felt your heart was here with us.