Rough Few Days, Girls Night Out, and Tingles

Things are going to get downright personal here, and if you can't take it or don't want to, then don't keep reading. This if my life, and this is my place to say what I need to say.    

The last week has been just downright rough. Dealing with a lot the last few months has just drained me. And when mom is drained, everyone feels the ripple affects. It isn't fair to me or anyone else. I don't know what to do to make it right to anyone. No matter how hard I try, things just keep getting harder and harder. My body is working it's hardest to function, let alone be all the things I need to be. It is sucking the life out of me. The medication cocktails makes me want to sleep all the time. I seriously want to sleep or just stay in bed. This morning it was 8:30 and the kids and I were still snuggling in bed. It is good some days, but it has been days and days like that. Medications are such powerful things and I HATE them. I totally dislike having something have control over me. I tell myself that I have control, I can control my emotions, I've got this, I can do anything I set my mind to and with Heavenly Father's help. That is just not the case. Things are so hard. Today has been a better day. The kids were good this morning, I was able to get a few things done, the kids went down for a nap, and I actually sat down and rested for a few. It felt nice. Hopefully the rest of the day goes as well .

   Last night, a few ladies and I went shopping at Ross, target, and went out to eat at Olive Garden! It was such a great night out and a MUCH needed! We laughed and had so much fun. We were just ladies, not moms. I even took my new clutch that didn't have diapers and wipes in it. By the end of the night though, I was missing my boys though. I got home and gave my two boys a goodnight kiss and thanked Heavenly Father that I was a mom and could give these two boys the love they need. I am so thankful for Haley. She has been with me through so much! We have barely known each other for 6 months and she knows me more than any friend I have ever had...besides those few growing up friends. It is nice to have someone that close. She is a sweetheart and I am so thankful to have her in my life. She is truly and angel.

   One of my medications makes my hands and arms tingle. The doctor warned me of this. Ben kind of rolls his eyes when the doctors tells be these things because like 10% of people experience these side affects, but after my spinal headache incident...I am always in the low percents. I will always be in those .0000000001 percents. That is just my luck! When the doctor told me that there is a tiny risk that I could get a risk of getting a spinal headache with an epidural, I kind of laughed in his face because I though "I am better than that...and that can't happen to me because I have already had one epidural with no side affects." Well, guess who had that terrible spinal headache for a week...oh ya, that was me! So with these tingles in my hands and arms...it is like after you have been playing in the snow and you come inside the house to defrost. Your hands and fingers start to un-thaw...defrost...whatever. Only with me, is is magnified by 100 times. Oh my gosh, it is driving me nuts. I drop things and put things in places they shouldn't be. Example: milk in the cabinet, cereal in the fridge,    cheese in the dishwasher...don't laugh...it has happened. If you think I am going crazy, I think I am. :)

   On the surgery note...I haven't even met with my neurosurgeon yet. I meet with my neurologist here in about two weeks or so. He wants to make sure my meds are working properly. I guess at that appointment he will be able to tell me what he discovered in my second MRI. Here's the thing, it has to be the surgery route. On the medications I am on, I cannot have anymore babies. I am not supposed to have any kids while I am on the doctor's "poisons." If I take these the rest of my life, then guess what no more kids for us. I never planned on only having two kids. That would be really sad for us. There are also complications with the medications themselves, as there are with any long term medication use. The downside with surgery is that is is a surgery right close to my brain on my skull and removing part of my skull. It is a tedious recovery and it is not guaranteed to stop the headaches either. Here is a link for an explanation of what this whole thing is anyways. http://mayfieldchiaricenter.com/pdfs/Chiari_Poster.pdf 

  Enough of all of this! I have a craft that I am going to go finish while my little Emerson is sleeping. I hope you all are doing well and having a great new year already. Love to you all!