So I have been having a really really really REALLY hard time with Ben being gone. I am so tired of being alone, raising a child alone, doing school, being a long-distance wife, and more. It all adds up to a really difficult time. I have been crying a lot lately and Braeden has been wiping my tears(which makes me cry even more). I don't want to be felt sorry for because I am saying my life is so hard. I know there are people out there going through harder things, BUT this is MY life and the things I am going through. This is also my blog and a personal journal that I share so I can say what I would like. :) I am trying to do everything the BEST that I can and sometimes that is just not enough. I don't know why. Today being Mother's Day I wanted it to be a good day and I was set on it. Sacrament meeting every week with Braeden is terrible. No matter how many treats I have or books it doesn't seem to be enough to keep him quiet. That starts to stress me out. Then I am called in the nursery to be a helper and then I get to deal with Braeden crying all the time because he hasn't had his nap. That starts to tear me down after 2 hours. Then it hits...I am going home alone on Mother's Day. No husband to bring me flowers or say nice things to me and make me feel special. Nap time didn't go so well and disciplining Braeden to stop screaming is going no where. I cannot make progress on that no matter how hard I try. As I am crying in Braeden's room and have had if for the day...the Lord sends me a TENDER MERCY. I hear the words to a favorite hymn "How Firm a Foundation"...
“Fear not, I am with thee; O be not dismayed!
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand."
That made me feel a LOT better about things and gave me some more strength to go on and look to another day. I am so grateful that the Lord knows what I need when I need it the most. Even though I could have used that "tender mercy" sooner or whatever else according to my wants...it came first of all and second of all when the Lord knew I needed it the MOST He sent it. I am so thankful that I am in this church and that I have the Lord on my side. He knows me and the desires of my heart, the things I am going through and how hard I am trying to live my life the best that I can. He is my best friend, my Savior, my Comforter, my Shepherd, my Redeemer and most of all my Rock...my strength. Thank heaven for those Tender Mercies.
Here is a really great talk from Elder Bednar on Tender Mercies.
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My first Chiari Walk was Sept 2013
Finding Joy in the Journey
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Our Story
This is the blog of Benjamin, Stephanie, Braeden and Emerson Busey. Ben and I got married November 30, 2007 in the Manti Temple. It was a beautifully cold day, but so memorable. Two months later we found out we were having a baby. Braeden Todd was born November 8, 2008. He is the joy of our lives, he is wild, and growing too fast. I am a stay at home mom with a craft business and I am starting a photography business and loving every minute of it. Things are definitely busy. Ben is serving our country in the U.S. Air Force as a nurse. We are living in San Antonio, Texas right now. It is a different world down here. Gotta be careful in everything you do. We are leaning to stick together more, and literally have Heavenly Father guide us to where we need to be each day. We are loving being together and seeing what life brings us. We found out we were pregnant August 2010 but lost out lost our second baby due to miscarriage September 27, 2010 while I was 9 weeks pregnant. We love our sweet angel and think of this child often. This traumatic event has made us ever more grateful for families, that they are FOREVER, and that we now have two miracles. Little Emerson was born September 8, 2011. With major complications after delivery we are grateful to be where we are today with our sweet boys. Emerson is such a wonderful addition to our family and we love him so much. He is a chunky sweetheart. October 2012, I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation type 1. This has caused our family to do things a little bit differently. This diagnosis has brought many trials, but also many many blessings, and helped me to rely on my Heavenly Father each day so He can help carry my burdens!
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Funny Moments from my Little Man
"Mom, you are super cute!"
It's too hot in here!
"No, I hold it." (He says this when we don't want him to have something.
"Are we having fish tonight?"
"Is daddy going to catch a big fish?" (Ben never catches fish)
As we pull into the target parking lot Braeden says, "Get out and go to Target."
"Are we going shopping today?"
"Can we play a video game?"
"Let's build a castle on the floor."
"Kiss my elbow."
"De-lic-ious"
"No I dood (do) it."
"The cheese is in the sky!" (He said this as we were sitting in sacrament meeting at church...we died of laughter. 2011)
"It's a HUGE fish."
Braeden asks me when I am crying, "You okay honey?"
Braeden knows his body parts pretty well, except the other day he called me a "boobhead."
"Is it cleam(clean)-up time?"
Braeden says (poople) for purple.
"Ightening is fast." (Lightening McQueen)
"Bless you mommy." (Anytime I sneeze)
"Can I have some of mommy's gwink(drink)?"
"No, not yet." (He says this for everything, if I ask him if he is poopy, or if it is time to clean up or bedtime)
"Can I honk-a-horn?" (We now have a key fob to lock our car...he has to honk the horn)
"Daddy took it." (When we can't find something, daddy took it).
"We gotta get this mouse." (When we had a mouse in our house).
"I'm so cute" or "I'm so handsome"
"Yook (look) at this!"
"I was dancening!" (dancing)
When Braeden wakes up and I ask him how he slept he says, " I had a good night."
"Kisses, Hugs, Squeezes!" We "get" to give him all of those every night...multiple times.
When we time him out and he is in trouble, he says, "I need a hug."
When we say "don't snort"...he snorts!
"I have a boo-boo, can I have a Cars band-aid? Just one!"
When he gets some food he says, "It is super duper hot."
Me: "Can I have a kiss?" Braeden: "You sure can."
It's too hot in here!
"Eyes in the sun!" (Every time the sun gets in his eyes he says this).
I ordered a drink yesterday from this drink place, and while the girl was making it Braeden went up to the counter and said, "Can I get...a chocolate milk?" (2011)
One day when I was in the shower, Braeden came in completely naked and said, "Mom, I need a new diaper!" (2011)
"That's one, that's two, that's three...go take a timeout!" (He told ME to go to timeout. 2011)
"You drive me crazy!" (He told me this as I was sitting at the kitchen table. 2011)
In his prayers last night Braeden said he was thankful for snowmen. (2011)
Braeden just prayed for daddy to catch a huge fish on the way home from scouts. (2011)
I was putting Braed down for a nap and he said, "aw, whew...it is hot today!" (2011)
Me: "We should get daddy some healthy snacks at the store."
Braeden: "We should get him some porridge, porridge is his favorite snack." Dec 2012
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4 comments:
I can relate, and even though that probably doesn't make you feel better, I am glad that you know that Heavenly Father knows what you are going through. Sometimes that is the only thing that keeps us going. I've found that if I read my scriptures daily and pray daily, my day truly does go better. I can't explain it, it just does. That doesn't mean the problems go away, I just have a better attitude. Because I can always tell myself, "atleast I didn't have to bare children while walking in the wilderness." I'm pretty sure my day will always be better than that! :0) Hang in there...not too much longer!! :0)
That was a great...maybe something I really needed today! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Stephanie, I was so glad to read your blog post :) It seems like most blogs you read are about how amazingly perfect their children are and it's good to know that I'm not the only one out there who doesn't think raising a child is the easiest task in the world! It sure makes you appreciate your parents a lot more huh? :)
You brought tears to my eyes. You are amazingly strong. Thanks for the uplifting thought.
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