So I have been having a really really really REALLY hard time with Ben being gone. I am so tired of being alone, raising a child alone, doing school, being a long-distance wife, and more. It all adds up to a really difficult time. I have been crying a lot lately and Braeden has been wiping my tears(which makes me cry even more). I don't want to be felt sorry for because I am saying my life is so hard. I know there are people out there going through harder things, BUT this is MY life and the things I am going through. This is also my blog and a personal journal that I share so I can say what I would like. :) I am trying to do everything the BEST that I can and sometimes that is just not enough. I don't know why. Today being Mother's Day I wanted it to be a good day and I was set on it. Sacrament meeting every week with Braeden is terrible. No matter how many treats I have or books it doesn't seem to be enough to keep him quiet. That starts to stress me out. Then I am called in the nursery to be a helper and then I get to deal with Braeden crying all the time because he hasn't had his nap. That starts to tear me down after 2 hours. Then it hits...I am going home alone on Mother's Day. No husband to bring me flowers or say nice things to me and make me feel special. Nap time didn't go so well and disciplining Braeden to stop screaming is going no where. I cannot make progress on that no matter how hard I try. As I am crying in Braeden's room and have had if for the day...the Lord sends me a TENDER MERCY. I hear the words to a favorite hymn "How Firm a Foundation"...
“Fear not, I am with thee; O be not dismayed!
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand."
That made me feel a LOT better about things and gave me some more strength to go on and look to another day. I am so grateful that the Lord knows what I need when I need it the most. Even though I could have used that "tender mercy" sooner or whatever else according to my wants...it came first of all and second of all when the Lord knew I needed it the MOST He sent it. I am so thankful that I am in this church and that I have the Lord on my side. He knows me and the desires of my heart, the things I am going through and how hard I am trying to live my life the best that I can. He is my best friend, my Savior, my Comforter, my Shepherd, my Redeemer and most of all my Rock...my strength. Thank heaven for those Tender Mercies.
Here is a really great talk from Elder Bednar on Tender Mercies.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
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4 comments:
I can relate, and even though that probably doesn't make you feel better, I am glad that you know that Heavenly Father knows what you are going through. Sometimes that is the only thing that keeps us going. I've found that if I read my scriptures daily and pray daily, my day truly does go better. I can't explain it, it just does. That doesn't mean the problems go away, I just have a better attitude. Because I can always tell myself, "atleast I didn't have to bare children while walking in the wilderness." I'm pretty sure my day will always be better than that! :0) Hang in there...not too much longer!! :0)
That was a great...maybe something I really needed today! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Stephanie, I was so glad to read your blog post :) It seems like most blogs you read are about how amazingly perfect their children are and it's good to know that I'm not the only one out there who doesn't think raising a child is the easiest task in the world! It sure makes you appreciate your parents a lot more huh? :)
You brought tears to my eyes. You are amazingly strong. Thanks for the uplifting thought.
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