2 more years....

It's been too long since I've blogged. I'm sad to think of all the memories that I could have had written out and documented.  But here's to a fresh start.  I know these posts will be more valuable than just facebook or Instagram. My thoughts are jumbled and may not make sense,  but they are my thoughts and our family memories.

I don't even know where to begin. Maybe I'll start with our angel baby girl. She's such a joy in our lives.  She's sassy and independent all while still needing her mommy and daddy.  Mostly mommy though. I'm okay with it though. We moved to Roseburg, Oregon April 2016 and we pretty much love it here.  Of course there are things people dislike about everywhere they live,  but it's good for our family.  Ben just got put in as the elders quorum president, and I am the Nursery leader. I was the Wolf leader in scouts,  but It is such an involved calling that I had to ask to be released .I felt sick a lot because it was at the end of the day that I had no Energy to give to the calling. It wasn't fair to me or the scouts. They called me to nursery and I was hesitant but I willingly accepted. It's been a difficult calling but I know have been blessed and I get to spend time with my sweet baby.

As for My health, it's really difficult to put into words how I'm doing. Every day is a huge struggle for me. Most days are just getting by. I am in pain every single day-and there is not a day that goes by that I don't have some sort of a headache. The things that were a shock to me 4 and a 1/2 years ago, are now a normal part of my every day. The headaches, the pain, the Insomnia, The tingling, the numbness, the pain in my head and neck, the pressure in my head my eyes, dizziness,  throbbing pain,  climsiness, forgetfulness, and more.  No one should have to call this their normal.  Weight wise,  I am at the heaviest I have ever been.  I nursed Eliana full time until she was 21 months old.  I packed on the pounds when I nurse. I get so frustrated because I can't exercise like others can. I can't lose weight like others can.  I tried running yesterday on a trail to a gorgeous waterfall.  What happens to normal people....a feeling of invigoration. What happens to me....I am immediately sick.  I'm out for days.  I'm so blessed with kids who are self sufficient.  They help themselves.  When I'm sick in bed,  they just do whatever they need to.  Even the baby.... well she is 2 now so I guess I should call her a toddler.  I have all of our snacks low enough that she can bring the clear bin with her snack of choice to me and I'll open it. Then we cuddle.  I do get lots of cuddle time and I could tell you what happens in any kids show.  I'm still trying to figure my life out and to be thankful for everything that I have.  It's just so difficult when pain is a huge part of life.  I haven't even begun to look for a doctor here in Oregon because I don't want to try to explain everything to another person who's not going to understand, yet they are supposed to help.  Meh!!

Another event recently happened that has impacted my life greatly.  My dear,  sweet grandpa Todd passed away about a month ago. I am going to do a post all about our trip and memories and photos. There are things I don't want to forget. Today I called my grandma to say hi and to check on her.  That's something I've done since I left home. I told her that Braeden got some scout awards and that I'm sure grandpa would have loved to hear about them and the fish we ate the other day.  It still doesn't seem real.  I almost asked to talk to him,  but then I remembered. Tears fill my eyes as I remember him.  He was and is a special part of me.

I'll stop there for this post,  but I'll add more from here about our recent events.